Since as long as I can recall I have wanted to help people.
When people ask me ‘So what do you do for a living?’
I would often feel the void in the stomach, you know it…
Like in the photo below – it just gives me the butterflies looking at it
and at the same time thinking how exciting it must be on that swing
wishing I could be doing it now!
swing dans le vide.
I strive to find an answer for what my mind is saying:
“Tell me what your dream is and my job then, is to help you achieve it!”
So for all these years I have been ‘struggling’
to do anything job wise and with age
comes the joy of wisdom!
I found The vehicle that will allow me to help others do just that
realise their dreams!
And it is not just any vehicle, tis one with class and style,
that I am proud to be driving!
How Can I do This?
This is what SFM is all about, helping you live your dreams,
I am a mere messenger for the SFM.
Unless you talk to me or a business coach
there is no way we can help!
So let’s say you click on the tab to the bottom right of the page :
& BOOK A CHAT TIME…. 🙂
This is by far the best thing you could do, FOR YOU.
So awaiting instructions 😉
You know if you are on a journey, or do you?
It can not be stressed enough that to work on yourself is gold, priceless. Some people will tell you that it is egocentric, selfish, uncaring even but they are the ones you should look at the most!
For we all start life on a journey,
- As a nipper:
- The terrible 2’s;
- Toddler years;
- The formative years pre-7’s
- As a child
- Young adult
- Young couple
- Young family
- Child bearing years
- Mid life
- Life when children leave home
In the beginning you do just that work on yourself, as a baby, a nipper, a child and up to the young couple stage and then you stagnate! You no longer deem it necessary to work on your soul’s journey for the couple become one being as it were and decisions should be taken by the two of you together… So from a woman’s perspective (obviously!) things like buying a simple hoover, which coffee? Toothpaste? The list is endless but what were simple tasks become monumental decisions and discussions of no importance to either some times, and so we forget to grow, we forget to plant seeds in our brain and we wither away…
Predisposition of soil for the mindseeds?
By this I mean in my own case for example I was already prone in my younger days to ‘flying off the handle’, loosing my temper and so on but on the other hand I was also constantly questioning myself as to how could I have said such a nasty thing? What pushed me into that state of mind? How come I lost it again?
So you see even though I was in need of ‘anger management classes’ as my sister would call it later on in life, I was aware somehow that I could analyse these phases and possibly control them.
As it happens I met bigger than me, more dominating than me and in the form of a timid, strong personality. So it was easy for him to dominate me, and me well I just let myself play stupid eh?!
How do you change paths when you are on the wrong road in your journey?
You get a mentor…
Simple as that, some one who has been there, and got out. At that moment you do not know that this is your predicament, and you sure as hell do not know what you are about to embark on! But you somehow get a gut instinct that this is the one, like a lost soul you immediately get on, with a deep sense of respect, honour and love that will bind you forever. Forever being the time you are at that place, once you move on forever moves also to a new place 😉
If you have this feeling with anyone, I urge you to not let this person go lighly, easily. To ensure that this person stays in your immediate circle of friends, even if that is a group on Facebook, you follow them on Twitter, Instagram what ever link you have with this person, keep it – no matter what!
For me this person was Jay Kubassek 🙂 I knew the minute I read his stroy, his sales pages that he would set me free. At the time I knew not that I needed to be set free so the feeling I just took as ‘Oh I must have known Jay from a life before…’ But my whole being told me to not let this man out of my site! I have had others since then some who I would have to listen to (as all I had of them was the audio that I had bought) and they also helped me through some thick walls, others I read and got the information that way, however you get what you need just listen to your body. Here is a little photoshop I did for you to show you the differences 😉
So if you too want a mentor of size that can transform your life so call me (0033613525725) and I’ll introduce you to Jay Kubassek 😉
In this article we shall be seeing how you as a working Mom, be it away or at home, can have it all and stop screaming at that child whilst getting a grip on YOU and lead a blissful life. Firstly you have to know that I have four children – boy, girl, boy, girl- that are at the time of writing 16, 15, 14 and 8 years respectively. They are all mensa material but the first one is exceedingly high altitude mensa, a lot of talking gets done, in fact the eldest since he was just 18 months old ‘Mummy my finger in the dishwasher door, is stuck‘ at 18 months!!!!! And since that age his logic being that of Spock’s believe you me it has not been easy to bring him back to earth as ‘It is more logical this way, Mum!’ ‘But we normal people do not think like that so it is more logical this way, or let’s say that this is more the “norm“.
Let me tell ya, I have lost it here and there too and these teenage years have been such an ‘enlightenment’ that I have become very humble, grateful and thankful person. This together with my job of working from home for me has given me all the props I need to have this peaceful life where I just do not scream at them any more and I find I do have a real grip on my life right now! So when I think of before I am compelled to help any other mother I possibly can to stop screaming and live the life of sheer bliss.
Before when you got mad you should not have but sometimes, and if you’re like me a wild frenzied french woman (hot-blooded!), you just screamed at whatever or whom so ever was next to you and got it out. That someone was generally an adult or the cat sometimes, let’s be honest, we are amongst ourselves here! So this person had some sort of defence…But our children are completely different; they are defenceless, vulnerable and so loving, yes really. You may think that these solutions are age dependant, the answer is no, we are dealing with YOU and although I will admit there are ages where you may need to implement these methods more than usual the methodology will be essentially the same, so you can use this forever and ever!!!
So what to do exactly when you are just losing it with your child? Well these small steps and eventually it will be easier for you to get there quicker…
- Whilst you are screaming – LISTEN to yourself
- As soon as you do step 1 stop to breathe, from the stomach lifting the diaphragm to its fullest then breathe out slowly, ideally you should count double to exhale than to inhale, start with out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 in, 2, 3…..
- When you are calmer walk out of the room, a change of environment is so good, if you can make it outside so much the better 🙂
- Come back to talk in a completely different state of mind, and just state what you want done, brushing the teeth, cleaning the dinner table, picking up that sock…’Please, brush your teeth now.’ Just to get things in motion again and not leave them static. Of course younger children come and get a cuddle but at a certain age…tis best to wait till the good night kiss to have a much-needed cuddle (if it’s teeth brushing for example, for that odd sock in mid morning perhaps a cuddle as they are seated at the lunch table…)
What to do here when you feel yourself getting into that space? It generally gives no warning, just is suddenly upon you, like a cat that has leapt upon you out of nowhere!
- See the colour of your anger, is it red, fire, deep, dark…
- Get conscious and snap out of it!
- See a loving colour coming out from your heart and feel love, be it via a beat of your heart, the glimpse of the colour whatever goes for you,
- Do the same abdominal breathing as above (2) and be present,
- Be thankful to have this feeling and this feeling of gratitude will lift you to a higher energy level,
- Now on this newer level of energy you can truly be thankful for every thing you have, the time to be with your family, children, husband, the force of character to get yourself out of (& into) these situations and the faith that soon you will manage them much much better 🙂
Losing the plot.
I would say that losing the plot is pretty much the two above points that sum it up pretty well, but you can also lose the plot whilst out and about. We just moved out of Paris into the suburbs, house kiddies the lot and the hypermarkets were so huge that I would just lose it at the check out…As the children grew up they knew this and would always play quietly just next to me but were forbidden to interrupt me whilst I was putting the groceries on the moving mat or piling them up into bags as the cashier was throwing them faster and faster in my direction. They often helped me on good days but more often than not just left me to it! I was lucky in a way because I would say to them in english ‘Ok kids, at the check out just be good or I shall lose the plot’ and occasionally I did…But in public tis very embarrassing , none the less one must just get on with it.
- Use the energy to do quickly the task at hand (in my case filling up those grocery bags fast as possible),
- See the colour of your anger and follow the steps in irate above.
Fear of Being a Bad Mum.
We all have this one, dear! Know that you are not alone. I am a firm believer that every Mother knows instinctively what is right for her child, even if sometimes it is wacko to us it is exactly what the child needs at that given time, for sure. So we generally get this after the storm has passed the phrase that I did not know if I would have the courage to write even, as to be a bad mum…………………… Hence once you are in this state it is best to do
- Immediately the breathing exercises out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, in 2, 3..
- Say it out loud ‘I am a bad Mother’ and hear how bad and silly that actually sounds, now to better things;
- Your children have love;
- There is no child abuse;
- I am teaching them for their future ;
- I often get complements on how well brought up they are, polite saying Please, Thankyou, Hello & Goodbye
- Giving them some limits that children need – no do not cross the road without looking is a limit!!
- Giving them guide lines on how long to play on the “Game Boy” I still call it ‘Nintendo’ is very hard to do but vital for them for later on;
- Getting them to go out on a daily walk rain, wind or shine is again part of the curricula and a must in the early days to get them used to it and for the build up of their muscles and no it was not always easy to get them to put their boots on and go out but very often they would love it once outside;
- Teaching them to be and about vegetarianism again for me part of the mental hygiene necessary for their existence – when you sit next to Paul, he will eat meat but not you…At least not until you are 16years old and can decide for your self
- This lead to a whole load of science and ethical questions etc explained to them – was this right for THEM ? Am I … but at the end of the day it means my littlest can talk of ‘aliments’ and such to her friends who do not have a clue and makes her have to explain it all so it can’t be all bad!
You see that question is never ending and always open ended…one of the nicest things my eldest said to me recently, thus at 16 (off to university 2 years ahead of time – gulp) ‘You made us independent very early on Mum, and you did a good job, thanks!’
Anxious, am I doing it right?
This is an easy one to solve, just educate your self with as many books as possible. Big books my Auntie used to tell me where sometimes you just took 1 chapter out of it, little books too, the more books the better. I love books and can be found reading, in lines at the supermarkets, waiting for the children at sports, even during sports too, in my car I must have about 3 different types of books depending on what mood I am in. So you too must have different sorts of books always on personal development; child something behavior, psychology, feeding habits and patterns and receIpy books; educational books; and the odd normal book of the ‘Booker Prize’ to be up to date here also.
Keeping house and laundry …
As much as I love to do the laundry, I love not the housework…
- I have always-nearly always- had a cleaning lady in and this means that that time not spent doing the house work I spend with the children, painting, cooking, walking…or on my own business!
- If this is not for you – to have a cleaning lady, then I strongly recommend you get the children involved in all the house not just their rooms. This is because they will NOT do their rooms and simply learn to live in a pigsty!
- Get a rotation system in and if there is an odd number of people going to help then one has a week off…
- One child gets to Hoover
- One gets to mop
- One gets a week off
- You get to involve them in the house work, but this never or rarely brings on respect for the one who does it all – you should you revert back to doing it all. You can hope that when they leave home they will be self-sufficient;
- The cleaning lady may just do the barest minimum of just Hoovering and mopping the floors, leaving you with the windows, general tidying etc so not to worry there’s enough for everyone.
Stressed Out About Money
Here is a present for you to not stress out about money and to bring you gold all the gold you want into your life 😉
This is often a source of stress for Mums with children of any age but to help you here is possible in another form so we’ll get in touch about that if you so desire.
Now to stop screaming at that child and get a grip is relatively simple and I hope that these steps will be simple enough for you to implement straight away. To ensure you do do these steps I shall be giving you a 30 minute session for FREE. You have 10 days to use this otherwise it is caduct, but as I know during your next screaming session with your child you will try and implement one of the techniques that you will have questions for me 🙂
What I want you to do is to put those questions some where accessible, be it a note pad especially for the occasion or an old sheet of paper, whatever get this one question down, then another, then another..So that your 30 minutes free consultation will be put to the most profitable use for you and your child.
You can have it all, get a grip, work from home and
STOP SCREAMING AT THAT CHILD!
So how do you deal with the fact that you are screaming at a person who is young, defenceless, with UNCONDITIONED LOVE for you? Some people (most often the ones that judge have no children, don’t you find?) make you feel like a, dare I say it, tyrant type persona and then you feel real grand! Hey don’t worry I have never yes NEVER met a mother who has not once screamed at her kids, ‘Well this does not make me feel any better!’ I hear you say. RUBBISH! Of course we feel better if we know we are not extraterrestrials, this is not an excuse just a ‘Ouf! Thank GOD I aint alone here’. Hey look even the animals growl at their little ones.
As a working mother there is an enormous amount we have to do – I mean raising the future generation is one thing whilst trying to make a living in a completely different environment is another. Then there is the natural cycle to break, you know the one – boss screams at sub-director-who-then-screams-at-director-who-screams-at-collegue-who…and then you bring this home-scream-at-kid-who-screams-at-younger-sibling-who-kicks-the-dog! Yes we know all this now the fun part the solution 🙂
Step 1 . NOT LOOSING THE PLOT.
Just trust me on this the majority of anxiety comes from the fact there is not enough money and we stress out about that. So the first thing to do is to silence that part by actively knowing money is coming. This first FREE gift of mine is to empower you about money via a very simple book yet so powerful it will knock your socks off!
It is recommended to work through this book I have worked through it and each time I have progressed so am getting a nugget again out of it! Good reading. Once you have some of the financial side of your life then it does make it somewhat easier to control what life throws at you, somewhat as you are now on a positive slope.
2. Another way to get a grip…
The way your day is run is very important and if you put these small changes to your day they really do make a whole difference – You can be more productive with less time spent ‘in front of your computer, again darling!’
Most of us do grab our mobile devices first thing in the morning – yes I do believe you are one of the 73% who do just that! We take a quick scroll down the emails sent, see what’s happening on the social media and start to get our head into gear for breakfast for the children and the school run! But you see you are right there being re-active to the information thrown into your lap, as it were and we THINK we are getting on top of things, proudly early in the morning!!!!! So the best way to BE ACTIVE is to take care of YOU first. This is what I do with my day and of course this is a typical school day 😉 see below for a school holidays plan ;)…
ME FIRST !
- While this may sound rather pompous, it is in fact where it all starts – me – be it whatever. So leave the mobile device alone and give a hug to your partner, pet, yourself, your cuddly toy…Then go for a walk, run, yoga, some sort of physical exercise or rather be in motion, like walking the dog is some mornings rather like being a snail ourselves but at least we are out there doing, being, in action. Wind down with some meditation, listening to calming music…
- This means that at 9/9.30 am you will be at your most creative. Jump on this occasion to get as much as humanly possible during this period. Can stretch out to 3 hours 🙂
- When the creative streak is winding down it is time to do the things that you may be a little redundant to do. Do some phoning people are always here early lunch time or just after their ‘quick lunch’ in the office, do some administrative work, metrics, accounting…
- Then finish your day with some training, this is rather good as most of the webinars tend to be in the evening .
- Finish your day with a look at your day and state what is good and what needs more work – THE TO DO LIST AND THE DIARY!!! This step is so important that alone it could change your outlook! It gives you a positive feeling about your working day that when you wind down to be with your family then you’re present for them and are sort of glowing from your work.
During the holidays….
- If you live by the sea, as I do, then it is just quick trips to the ocean front, 1 hour plus journey. The waves here are just too strong for any longer and this has to be a completely ‘OFF’ time for work and ON time to survey the children in the water, even with life guards! If you live in an area where the sea is calmer and you could spend more time than 1 hour then find a reason which is plausible to go home, either leave to be home for lunch – children will generally coöperate if food is involved! or get back for the “gouter” the 4pm snack either home, those special biscuits we bought, or sometimes an ice cream on the beach front. This gets to be a budget too!!!! A couple of ideas to give you a jist of how it works and I am sure that you will find best fits you.
- If you live in a forest area, as I do too, then this is bliss as a walk in the mornings not only complies with your own planning of ME 1st but also gets the children out and about. Come rain or shine we just put wellies boots on and off out that door!
- If you live in the city center then you must find what small park is near you. This makes it an outing to get there and whilst there. Depending on the age group of the children in the park there are various activities you could be doing; listening to an audio book, training, watching a quick webinar via your mobile device. If the children are really too young then just jot down ideas that come to you on the spot. Some days just a flower will draw you into such a spirally way of thinking that you can’t wait to get home and write about it!
- Of course if the children are small enough to have an afternoon nap then that is fine time to get a lot of work done, just put the timer on and time yourself one hour at a time. See all the progress you have made?!
With all these changes already you should be a lot calmer and more productive. If you really do remember to praise your steady progress daily then the atmosphere in your inner self should be healthy, shiny and prosperous.
Of course there are more aspects into this ‘working from home’ business you are in, or want to be in or are thinking about … That is another story altogether, and you may contact me to ask me questions via the comments section on my website below. Be sure to leave a correct address…The choice is yours.
Someone suggested we write a post this weekend on our favorite thing.
Just writing that has the Mary Poppins song come into play…’When the dog bites, when the bee stings, I simply remember a few of my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad’…
Someone said to me today that I live life at 100%. This is so true I am a whole person (now I have to apologies here as there will be some franglais in all my works! So just bear with me on this as there is no way I can tell which is which or rather I forget which is what!) Thus a whole person is une personne entiere and that is just that a person whole. That means that I live life at 100km/hr, that my emotions are 100%, my work ethics are very high, that I thought just 2 children was too easy, that’s why I have 4 now! That my eating habits are very high too, that I am a very “strict” mother – so I am told, not only by my children but by well to do Mums, but with the village elders we just share the same views ‘It is normal for children to say a minimum of 4 words ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, ‘please’, ‘thankyou’.
This conversation came about as I am always crying, tissue in hand – I’ll elaborate here! When the children are singing a song on stage, I am the only mum with a tear or 2, when something emotional is happening I will cry – generally to do with the children. Oh well I’ll tell you the story as I found it so beautiful…My youngest child, Zelie, decided to go to the “Sunday school” teachings last year and got very interested in Jesus Christ and God. So this being her 2nd year she asked to be baptized. Today at church I learned that next Sunday she is going to have to ask. hmm and could you elaborate on that please? ‘Yes, Zelie will be outside the church and will knock at the door. The Priest will then allow her in and this way she has asked to be baptized.’ It was upon hearing this and seeing that for little Zelie how big it would be for her, to knock on the huge church door, whilst everyone is inside was just soooo beautiful for me that yes I cried!
It is during these moments in life, where the emotions just grab me somewhere that I cannot name, that I burst literally – like a dam. Now don’t get me wrong I am not a person when people look at me it, say ‘oh yes she’s gonna cry at whatever I say! So best be careful!’ So they are always very surprised when the dam bursts because it is so unlike me! But I also get the feeling that they are either sacred of such emotions or envious.
But living life to the fullest means that every day is a new day and every day a new beginning, when I first moved to Paris my friends would get quite fed up ‘Oh Catherine it’s just another day’ they would rant as I would marvel at the fact ‘Hey look the sky is blue!!’ For they knew I came from London and there the sky is too often grey, drizzly. But you don’t notice this until you leave the Island! My husband sometimes gets exasperated ‘You said that yesterday!’ and I truly do not recall and if I did the emotions were different, the sky a different colour blue…
What is good about this is that even if I really did something silly & stupid the previous day I now look forwards to what life will unleash on me today, what is in store now?
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