In this article we shall be seeing how you as a working Mom, be it away or at home, can have it all and stop screaming at that child whilst getting a grip on YOU and lead a blissful life. Firstly you have to know that I have four children – boy, girl, boy, girl- that are at the time of writing 16, 15, 14 and 8 years respectively. They are all mensa material but the first one is exceedingly high altitude mensa, a lot of talking gets done, in fact the eldest since he was just 18 months old ‘Mummy my finger in the dishwasher door, is stuck‘ at 18 months!!!!! And since that age his logic being that of Spock’s believe you me it has not been easy to bring him back to earth as ‘It is more logical this way, Mum!’ ‘But we normal people do not think like that so it is more logical this way, or let’s say that this is more the “norm“.
Let me tell ya, I have lost it here and there too and these teenage years have been such an ‘enlightenment’ that I have become very humble, grateful and thankful person. This together with my job of working from home for me has given me all the props I need to have this peaceful life where I just do not scream at them any more and I find I do have a real grip on my life right now! So when I think of before I am compelled to help any other mother I possibly can to stop screaming and live the life of sheer bliss.
Before when you got mad you should not have but sometimes, and if you’re like me a wild frenzied french woman (hot-blooded!), you just screamed at whatever or whom so ever was next to you and got it out. That someone was generally an adult or the cat sometimes, let’s be honest, we are amongst ourselves here! So this person had some sort of defence…But our children are completely different; they are defenceless, vulnerable and so loving, yes really. You may think that these solutions are age dependant, the answer is no, we are dealing with YOU and although I will admit there are ages where you may need to implement these methods more than usual the methodology will be essentially the same, so you can use this forever and ever!!!
So what to do exactly when you are just losing it with your child? Well these small steps and eventually it will be easier for you to get there quicker…
- Whilst you are screaming – LISTEN to yourself
- As soon as you do step 1 stop to breathe, from the stomach lifting the diaphragm to its fullest then breathe out slowly, ideally you should count double to exhale than to inhale, start with out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 in, 2, 3…..
- When you are calmer walk out of the room, a change of environment is so good, if you can make it outside so much the better 🙂
- Come back to talk in a completely different state of mind, and just state what you want done, brushing the teeth, cleaning the dinner table, picking up that sock…’Please, brush your teeth now.’ Just to get things in motion again and not leave them static. Of course younger children come and get a cuddle but at a certain age…tis best to wait till the good night kiss to have a much-needed cuddle (if it’s teeth brushing for example, for that odd sock in mid morning perhaps a cuddle as they are seated at the lunch table…)
What to do here when you feel yourself getting into that space? It generally gives no warning, just is suddenly upon you, like a cat that has leapt upon you out of nowhere!
- See the colour of your anger, is it red, fire, deep, dark…
- Get conscious and snap out of it!
- See a loving colour coming out from your heart and feel love, be it via a beat of your heart, the glimpse of the colour whatever goes for you,
- Do the same abdominal breathing as above (2) and be present,
- Be thankful to have this feeling and this feeling of gratitude will lift you to a higher energy level,
- Now on this newer level of energy you can truly be thankful for every thing you have, the time to be with your family, children, husband, the force of character to get yourself out of (& into) these situations and the faith that soon you will manage them much much better 🙂
Losing the plot.
I would say that losing the plot is pretty much the two above points that sum it up pretty well, but you can also lose the plot whilst out and about. We just moved out of Paris into the suburbs, house kiddies the lot and the hypermarkets were so huge that I would just lose it at the check out…As the children grew up they knew this and would always play quietly just next to me but were forbidden to interrupt me whilst I was putting the groceries on the moving mat or piling them up into bags as the cashier was throwing them faster and faster in my direction. They often helped me on good days but more often than not just left me to it! I was lucky in a way because I would say to them in english ‘Ok kids, at the check out just be good or I shall lose the plot’ and occasionally I did…But in public tis very embarrassing , none the less one must just get on with it.
- Use the energy to do quickly the task at hand (in my case filling up those grocery bags fast as possible),
- See the colour of your anger and follow the steps in irate above.
Fear of Being a Bad Mum.
We all have this one, dear! Know that you are not alone. I am a firm believer that every Mother knows instinctively what is right for her child, even if sometimes it is wacko to us it is exactly what the child needs at that given time, for sure. So we generally get this after the storm has passed the phrase that I did not know if I would have the courage to write even, as to be a bad mum…………………… Hence once you are in this state it is best to do
- Immediately the breathing exercises out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, in 2, 3..
- Say it out loud ‘I am a bad Mother’ and hear how bad and silly that actually sounds, now to better things;
- Your children have love;
- There is no child abuse;
- I am teaching them for their future ;
- I often get complements on how well brought up they are, polite saying Please, Thankyou, Hello & Goodbye
- Giving them some limits that children need – no do not cross the road without looking is a limit!!
- Giving them guide lines on how long to play on the “Game Boy” I still call it ‘Nintendo’ is very hard to do but vital for them for later on;
- Getting them to go out on a daily walk rain, wind or shine is again part of the curricula and a must in the early days to get them used to it and for the build up of their muscles and no it was not always easy to get them to put their boots on and go out but very often they would love it once outside;
- Teaching them to be and about vegetarianism again for me part of the mental hygiene necessary for their existence – when you sit next to Paul, he will eat meat but not you…At least not until you are 16years old and can decide for your self
- This lead to a whole load of science and ethical questions etc explained to them – was this right for THEM ? Am I … but at the end of the day it means my littlest can talk of ‘aliments’ and such to her friends who do not have a clue and makes her have to explain it all so it can’t be all bad!
Anxious, am I doing it right?
This is an easy one to solve, just educate your self with as many books as possible. Big books my Auntie used to tell me where sometimes you just took 1 chapter out of it, little books too, the more books the better. I love books and can be found reading, in lines at the supermarkets, waiting for the children at sports, even during sports too, in my car I must have about 3 different types of books depending on what mood I am in. So you too must have different sorts of books always on personal development; child something behavior, psychology, feeding habits and patterns and receIpy books; educational books; and the odd normal book of the ‘Booker Prize’ to be up to date here also.
Keeping house and laundry …
As much as I love to do the laundry, I love not the housework…
- I have always-nearly always- had a cleaning lady in and this means that that time not spent doing the house work I spend with the children, painting, cooking, walking…or on my own business!
- If this is not for you – to have a cleaning lady, then I strongly recommend you get the children involved in all the house not just their rooms. This is because they will NOT do their rooms and simply learn to live in a pigsty!
- Get a rotation system in and if there is an odd number of people going to help then one has a week off…
- One child gets to Hoover
- One gets to mop
- One gets a week off
- You get to involve them in the house work, but this never or rarely brings on respect for the one who does it all – you should you revert back to doing it all. You can hope that when they leave home they will be self-sufficient;
- The cleaning lady may just do the barest minimum of just Hoovering and mopping the floors, leaving you with the windows, general tidying etc so not to worry there’s enough for everyone.
Stressed Out About Money
Here is a present for you to not stress out about money and to bring you gold all the gold you want into your life 😉
This is often a source of stress for Mums with children of any age but to help you here is possible in another form so we’ll get in touch about that if you so desire.
Now to stop screaming at that child and get a grip is relatively simple and I hope that these steps will be simple enough for you to implement straight away. To ensure you do do these steps I shall be giving you a 30 minute session for FREE. You have 10 days to use this otherwise it is caduct, but as I know during your next screaming session with your child you will try and implement one of the techniques that you will have questions for me 🙂
What I want you to do is to put those questions some where accessible, be it a note pad especially for the occasion or an old sheet of paper, whatever get this one question down, then another, then another..So that your 30 minutes free consultation will be put to the most profitable use for you and your child.
You can have it all, get a grip, work from home and